Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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