Please, let me fuck your mom
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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