Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
