I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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