Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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