i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
