it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
