I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
