I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
