Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
