96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
