You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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