It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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