Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
