He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
