i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
