Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
