today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need water and some morals
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize