Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
