i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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