my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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