you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
