It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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