when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
