then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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