haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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