even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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