literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
