I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
where are my eyebrows?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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