Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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