the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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