Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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