i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You dont lie about slip and slides
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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