ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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