the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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