I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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