maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
