i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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