The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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