This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The air was thick with penises
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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