i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
