4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
