that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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