Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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