Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Green mimosas i think yes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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