Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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