I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
