Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
