1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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