Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
