Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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