it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
