It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
