My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize