Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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