Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
