You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
