It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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