There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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